


Leave the Past Behind Us

by magequisition



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: Bisexuality, F/F, Mention of polyamory, New love, YOUR LOSS ALISTAIR
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-07
Updated: 2015-03-07
Packaged: 2018-03-16 16:19:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,865
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3494918
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/magequisition/pseuds/magequisition
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After the Landsmeet, Neria returns to the camp alone. Leliana hates the look on her friend's face, but an offer to talk doesn't end nearly the way she expected.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Leave the Past Behind Us

          Neria walked into to the camp with her head as high as normal, but with a stoop to her shoulders that told Leliana that something was not as it should be. Neria entered silently, looping the long way around the fire – was she avoiding Alistair? That was uncommon – and sitting on the log dragged to serve as a bench beside the warm glow. Leliana watched, unmoving, as the Warden stared into the flames. When several minutes passed and the other woman still had not moved, Leliana stepped towards her and knelt on the ground beside her.   
  
          “Neria?” she said, reaching out to rest a hand gently on the Warden’s shoulder. Neria looked up smoothly, seeming unfazed by Leliana’s approach. She was always so prepared, their Warden. “Is…everything all right?”   
  
           Neria smiled. “I’ll be fine, Leliana. Don’t worry. I’m just…contemplating a few things.”   
  
          Leliana gave her a calculated look. “I know you are not telling me the whole truth, Warden.”   
  
          Neria sighed. “You’re right. I’m not. But I’m just…I’m not sure if I’m ready to talk about it, you understand?” she asked.   
  
          Leliana nodded. “Will you come to me if you decide you do want to talk?”   
  
         “I promise,” Neria said. Leliana rested her hand briefly on Neria’s shoulder and smiled at her before she stood, moving back to sit near her tent. She opened a book and set it on her lap, but paid very little attention to it. Concentration was difficult when her friend was clearly distraught. She had sat for only a few moments when the problem facing Neria made itself obvious to her. Leliana stood and walked over to Alistair.   
  
        “Alistair, could you walk with me for a minute? I’ve got something I’d like to discuss with you.”   
  
         Never as prepared as Neria, Alistair jumped at the sound of her voice coming from just outside his peripheral vision.   
  
        “Oh! Leliana. Uh, yes, of course. Is everything all right?” the man asked.   
  
        “That is yet to be seen,” Leliana said slowly. Even in the dim light of the fire, she could see him swallow hard. That was all she needed for her suspicions to be confirmed, but she kept a neutral expression as they walked towards the bushes at the edge of camp, away from prying ears.   
  
        “Alistair,” Leliana started. “Do you know if Neria is okay? She seems distressed this evening, despite her admirable attempt at hiding it.”   
  
        Alistair tripped over nothing in particular at the mention of Neria’s name. “Uh, Neria? I, well, it’s been a long day, I’m sure she’s got a lot on her mind.”   
  
        Leliana stopped walking then, shooting daggers at Alistair with a single look.   
  
            “Alistair.”   
  
          “I ended our relationship,” Alistair said with a sigh. “Look, I didn’t like it either,” he said defensively at the look Leliana gave him, “but I couldn’t very well create an heir with her, and since it was her brilliant idea to make me king, I didn’t really have an option, did I?”   
  
          “First I see no reason why you couldn’t have married her if you had really wanted to, and second you didn’t give her much choice – someone had to rule, it was you or Anora and you were pretty clear that after her betrayal Anora wasn’t an option. Not that anyone disagrees with you on that, of course, but what else would you have had her do, Alistair? And now here we are on the eve of our journey to Denerim, for possibly our biggest challenge ever, and she’s got this hopeless look in her eyes.”   
  
           Alistair stared at the ground, kicking at the tiny pebbles he found at his feet. “I had no choice,” he grumbled.   
  
          Leliana felt anger swirl inside of her. “You’re an idiot. The King of Ferelden is an absolute idiot,” she spat before stomping back over to her tent. She sat down again and stared at the fire from a distance, noting Neria still sitting on the log in her same position. Leliana dropped her eyes to her lap as she realised what her outburst towards Alistair had meant. She wasn’t an outburst sort of person, not really – as a bard she was excellent at keeping her emotions in check. It was hard to succeed under Marjolaine if you were an emotional sort. The past months, she’d assumed her growing affection for the Warden had simply been a natural extension of their growing friendship; however considering it more closely now and contemplating it carefully in relation to the news of her friend’s breakup with Alistair, she realised precisely how wrong she had been.   
  
           What she didn’t know was what to do about it. The wake of a breakup was hardly time to confess such things, for fear Neria would think she was trying to take advantage, and on top of that Leliana realised she wasn’t even certain Neria was attracted to other women. Men, certainly – there’d been her relationship with Alistair and the warden had a friendly ongoing flirtation with Zevran – but she’d never shown any outright interest in women. Though, Leliana reasoned to herself, that could have been owing to the fact that nobody that valued their heart would be interested in Morrigan, and Neria and Alistair were already well on their way to a relationship by the time she herself had joined the party. Now excessively confused herself, Leliana stared at the fire, her book forgotten on the ground beside her.   
  
          Nobody seemed keen on going to bed that night. People were pacing the camp, sometimes mumbling under their breath – strategy or spells, Leliana assumed – while others sat near their tents or the fire, staring into space. This was what they’d been preparing for as they travelled Ferelden to gather their allies, what they’d been training themselves for for months. Tomorrow morning they rode into Denerim; humans, elves, and dwarves all. They were as prepared as they could reasonably be (was anyone ever prepared to face an Archdemon, really?) and yet, nobody seemed eager to seek the rest they so desperately needed. Leliana herself couldn’t consider her tent at this point, but neither was she focused on the following day’s battle. She knew it was one that would have to be taken at face value. It was hardly possible to prepare for something you had no expectations of. When she saw Neria stand and start to walk towards her, she cursed her stomach for the flips it started doing at an obnoxiously rapid rate.   
  
          This was not how Leliana generally reacted to her romantic interests, when she allowed herself to have them at all.   
  
          “You can’t sleep either, eh?” Neria said as she approached.   
  
           “Who needs sleep?” Leliana said lightly.   
  
          Neria smiled, though it barely touched her preoccupied eyes. “If it’s still okay…” she started, “I think I’d like to talk now. Do you mind if we go for a walk?”   
  
          Leliana stood. “Of course.”   
  
         “I’m just going to let Zevran know we’re leaving camp – we won’t go far of course, and I’ve got my staff, but it’s probably best if someone knows which direction we’re heading.” Neria turned and walked quickly towards the blonde Antivan, exchanging a few quick words with him. His lascivious smile crossed his face as the Warden turned away from him, returning to Leliana. Leliana tried to ignore the flush that was suddenly gracing her friend’s cheeks.  
  
        “Ready?” Neria asked. Leliana nodded and they set off along the nearest path to Leliana’s tent. They walked in silence for a few minutes, Leliana refusing to push Neria into talking before she was ready.   
  
         “So…about Alistair and I…” she said, stopping in the middle of the path. Leliana stopped with her. “After the Landsmeet, he broke up with me. Said he couldn’t marry me because, well,” she gestured to her ears, “as well as because we’re both Wardens, something about possible danger to offspring, or sterility, or something. I’m not really sure, he was babbling. Anyway, he said as King he’d be expected to produce an heir, and since obviously I wasn’t a candidate for that,” she rolled her eyes, “he felt it was only honourable to end things.”   
  
          Leliana swallowed and laid her hand lightly on the other woman’s shoulder. “I’m sorry, my friend. I know you cared about him a great deal.”   
  
         “I did – I do. And at first I was upset. But…” Neria’s voice trailed off and for a second Leliana thought she heard it waver, as though the normally unshakeable Warden was nervous. “But once the initial shock passed, I realised I wasn’t quite as upset as I thought.”   
  
          Leliana raised an eyebrow. “What do you mean, Neria? Did you not love Alistair?”   
  
          Neria shook her head. “That’s not it. I did love him. I do love him. But Alistair, well…he’s more,” she paused for a moment. “Maker, this is difficult to say. I can’t imagine what you’ll think of me.”   
  
          Leliana smiled at her. “There’s not a thing you could say that would change things, Neria.”   
  
         “I hope you’re wrong,” Neria mumbled. More clearly, she added, “Alistair’s a traditional man. Accepting of course, but he likes to do things by what he believes is right. And I loved him, so I was willing to go along with that, but it did mean suppressing a few things about myself that I couldn’t act upon while in a relationship with him.”   
  
         There went Leliana’s stomach again. She was certain Neria couldn’t be saying what she thought – but what if?  
  
         “See, here’s the thing, Leli,” Neria continued, using the nickname she’d only recently started referring to Leliana by. “I, well, I have it in me to connect with more than one person at a time. And so while I loved Alistair, and losing him does hurt, loving him didn’t keep me from loving someone else, too. Only I couldn’t act on it because I know Alistair would have considered that infidelity, even if I was just as devoted to him as to…them.”   
  
          Leliana swallowed hard. “And now?”   
  
         “And now, Leli,” Neria paused, staring at the ground for a minute while she shuffled her feet under her robes before lifting her eyes again to look at Leliana, “now I’d really like to kiss you. If you want me to, I mean. It’s up to you. I mean…crap, I was doing so well up until now…”   
  
          Leliana chuckled quietly. “My darling Warden, you’re positively adorable when you babble, do you know that?” She brought a hand to Neria’s cheek and leaned in to kiss her gently, feeling the Warden smile under her lips as her arms came up to rest on Leliana’s shoulders.   
  
                                                                                                                                 ****  
  
They returned to the camp an hour after they’d left, fingers entwined and clothes significantly more rumpled than when they’d left. Zevran shouted in joy when he saw them, loudly making his innuendo-laden suggestions known. Leliana felt Neria tense slightly when Alistair saw them, frowned, and turned to walk towards Morrigan’s fire, but she squeezed the other woman’s hand and felt her relax under her touch.   
  
Tomorrow, they went into battle. And together, they could handle whatever the Archdemon could send their way. Of this, Leliana had no doubt.

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this during my first DAO playthrough. Evidently I didn't harden Alistair, so after the Landsmeet he dumped my Elf mage rather than keep her as a mistress - I was sad and then said "screw it, I'll romance Leliana instead." And this fic was born.


End file.
